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Have you ever heard sleep consultants talk about why we don't recommend feeding to sleep? Let me explain!
First, I want to point out that if it is working for you and your family, GREAT! Don't ever feel pressured to change something that feels like it is working for you.
Why do babies love to feed to sleep?
There are many reasons why feeding to sleep comes easily for most babies. Feeding releases hormones like oxytocin in both mom and baby, which helps them feel calm, safe, and connected. The warmth and closeness during a feeding often shift your baby into a relaxed state that makes it easy to drift off.
Babies have a natural sucking reflex, which is soothing to them. Sucking - whether it's on a bottle, breast, or pacifier - has a calming effect that helps your baby to feel ready for sleep. Additionally, a full belly makes babies drowsy. Thanksgiving dinner anyone?
Not just that, milk, especially breastmilk, contains substances like tryptophan, which promotes the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone. This subtle boost is just what your baby needs to push them over the edge into sleep mode when a feed is offered at bedtime (or before a nap).
In the early months, it's completely normal and helpful to soothe and settle your baby this way!
Why does feeding to sleep stop working?
Around 4-months-old, your baby goes through a significant developmental shift, commonly known as the "4-month sleep regression." When that happens, your baby's sleep cycles will start to resemble those of an adult, with four stages of lighter and deeper sleep. They start to wake more easily between cycles, which means if they fell asleep feeding, they may now realize when they're put down that they're no longer feeding, and fully wake up calling out for that comfort again if they know no other way.
Babies also become more aware of their surroundings which means they are noticing changes in where and how they fell asleep. They are reaching new physical milestones, leaving them with more energy, curiosity, and an overall sense of restlessness. They may also still be spending their days as a newborn when they are needing increased amounts of active awake time.
How to shift away from feeding to sleep
This is going to be a big change for your baby, but I assure you it can be done without hours of crying and weeks of sleepless nights. In fact, most families I work with are able to change this sleep association in less than a week!
Sleep Environment
Make sure the room is blacked out with white noise on between 50-60 decibels. This creates as little stimulation as possible for your curious babe.
Bedtime Routine
Create a bedtime routine that allows for 20-30 minutes of bonding and connection. Keep your phone out of the mix. It has no place in your baby's nursery. We want to fill up their emotional cup as much as we can with your undivided attention.
Sleep Associations
We want clear cues that it is still time for sleep when your baby wakes between sleep cycles. They will learn their own ways of self-soothing over time but making it obvious that it is sleep time can help. Some options are the blacked-out room, white noise, bedtime routine, swaddle/sleep sack, and pacifier (if they only get it at bedtime).
The Response
Now that your baby's basic needs are met and their emotional cup is full, it is time to lay them down to sleep. Inevitably on that first night, they are going to cry. Offering a way to support them without actually picking them up and feeding or rocking to sleep will let them know you are there, you hear they are frustrated, but that they are learning a new way. This is not cruel or abandonment. If you are feeling triggered with these feelings, check out this blog post I wrote.
Feeling like you need more?
This is exactly what I support families with, making these changes in a loving and simple way. Not sure what you need? Apply for the program and let's figure out what exactly your family needs to be the most successful.
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